I agree with your point that a spanking alone will not change your attitude. The good submissive feelings that arise when you are told you are about to be spanked flow from the trust and respect you have for your husband.
With me, the big difference was finding that he is able to control himself, and therefore can control me.
I couldn't agree more. There is no doubt that a spanking alone cannot produce the kind of good feelings (AAA) that you feel after your husband informs you that it is time for a "talk". Any fool can spank, but it is obvious from what you write that he has gained your trust and admiration. His self-control is just one of several good qualities that he possesses that, not only allows you to submit to his discipline, but makes you really want him to take control. Dominance alone can not be his only good quality or you would not allow him to lay a finger on you. Dominance, as a masculine characteristic in of itself, is neither good or bad. Let's face it there is such a thing as a dominant jerk. These kind of men are too self involved or lack maturity or lack self control and should not be trusted with something so precious as your submission. Even though you may fantasize about being spanked, it is the one who is doing the spanking that makes such an event especially meaningful.